My name is Suzanne Fernando and I was diagnosed with Cervical Cancer when I was pregnant - and almost died before I got a chance to hold my newborn baby girl.
The nightmare began when doctors discovered a tumour the size of a tennis ball blocking little Aaron's arrival.
They immediately delivered Aaron by C-Sect - but I haemorraged.
My bed sheets were soaked in blood and doctors couldn't get the bleeding to stop.
As my life slipped away, docs warned my partner, to expect the worst as he stood helpless with our baby in his arms.
He was left praying for a miracle - and fortunately for us, those prayers were answered.
"My instincts told me all was not well. There is Cancer in my Dad's side of the family and thats what kept nagging away in my mind"
But what choices did I have?
Ttreatment at that time would have damaged my baby. I didn't want to face that, so I just retreated into myself and kept my fears secret.
After months of chemotherapy, radiotherapy and a last chance 24 hour bombardment of radiation directly onto the tumour, I was eventually in remission.
I had sailed through a trouble free pregnany with my first daughter, Jordan whom was diagnosed with Asberger's Syndrome when she was 6.
But I have to admit, the minute I fell pregnant with Aaron, I felt very ill. I was sick all the time, I was in pain, I couldn't eat, and nothing could convince me that this was a normal pregnancy. When I was expecting Jordan, my partner and I backpacked to India just in time before settling down with children.
I felt so well throughout the pregnancy, mind you I was always relatively fit and healthy having just spent almost 7 years as a Military Policewoman in Her Majesty's Services.
This time I thought, well no 2 pregnancies are the same.
I remember my partner and I agreeing that there would be no more babies for us. I was dragging myself through the pregnancy. I couldn't wait for it to be over.
Every now and then I'd start bleeding and end up in hospital.
But I think because of the position of the tumour, it simply didn't show up.
When I was 8 months pregnant, I was back at hospital for the umpteenth time after bleeding.
I've got a rare blood group 'O' negative, so whenever I would take a bleed I'd have injections to stop the baby's blood being poisoned.
This time the doctor said she was concerned because I'd been in so often, that she'd like to examine me further.
Nothing was showing on scans so she examined internally. The pain was unbearable. Then she told me there was a growth the size of a mans fist in my cervix.
I had a biopsy and had to stay in hospital for the results. That night was awful. I lay awake wondering what was going to happen to us.
Next day they told me. I had Cancer, and because of the tumour, I wouldn't be able to deliver my baby normally, I was in shock.
I was rushed into theatre for an emergency c-sect. The baby was perfect I was so relieved. But when I was in the recovery ward, my partner noticed that my bed was suddenly saturated in blood.
The room was suddenly filled with nurses, but by then I was slipping in and out of consciousness.
I vaguely remember nurses wrapping me up in silver foil. They were wrapping themselves around me too, trying to raise my body temp. I was rushed back
into theatre, and, after about 2 - 3 hours, the doctor came out and told my partner he was sorry but he couldn't stop the bleeding.
He asked my partner to sign a form permitting them to give me a hysterectomy.
My partner said, "My partner is dying in there - just do what you have to do to save her"
I spent a while in hospital while my partner looked after the girls.
When I eventually did go home I was really worried about all the time I been apart from my girls, I hadn't had a proper chance to bond with my newborn.
A bed was made up for me in the livingroom and I began my chemotherapy and radiation treatment the following week, just after New Year.
Sadly despite an intensive course of 20 treatments the tumour was still there.
I couldn't believe it, after all that the cancer was still there.
During this time my partner was giving me intensive Healing through Crystals, (Kes is a fully qualified Holistic Crystal healer) and this helped immensly, his Sister Al would visit me (she is a qualified Reflexologist) and heal my body through healing to my feet and a friend from Cancer Care came along weekly and gave me some hands on healing, all in which played a big part in my recovery, that I am positive of.
I was then offered a 24 hour intensive course where they would bombard me with radiation non stop using long metal rods directly onto the tumour.
It was ghastly. I couldn't move for 24 hours but in the end, the tumour had shrunk.
To be honest I think it was the nurses and doctors who kept me sane.
When the tumour shrunk, I was still ill, but very very happy.
But along with the tumour, other organs had also shrunk and I needed more surgeries to repair the damage.
I had ignored the little voice in my head which told me I had Cancer. Like many people, I didn't want to hear that because I knew that any treatment would seriously damage or kill my unborn baby.
Today though, I have 2 beautiful girls and a future.
My daughter Aaron celebrated her 7th birthday at Christmas which was an amazing experience for us all.
I've since had to cope with more operations, skin grafts, scars, reconstructive surgery, however am now enjoying life hospital free, and with my family
by my side............................well I made it and later married my partner Kester Fernando on the 10th anniversary of the day we met. In a romantic ceremony at the Blacksmiths
cottage in Gretna Green, Scotland accompanied by our two girls and friends, we tied the knot - & were overcome with emotion. We were not the only ones.
It was the happiest day of my life, after all we have been through. Everyone was crying at the ceremony, it was a very emotional service. It was a beautiful day and very romantic.
We all went onto enjoy a wedding celebration in Annan in cottages overlooking the Solway Firth, with the memories of darker days well behind us. We have come through a lot since we met in Blairgowrie in jun 95, when I had just left the military police to start work as a private investigator and met my portugese beau Kes.
We all enjoyed the day especially our girls Jordan and Aaron and will be a day we will never forget. I've since took part in the "race for life" Cancer Research Charity race last year and wow what a day, very emotional with a hint of excitement and nerves all rolled into one. I was running on behalf of my late Grandad Scott (a tall and very proud man) and my dear friend "Tam the Gun" who sadly died of Cancer, (he fired the 1 o'clock gun at Edinburgh Castle for over 20 years, we became very good friends when I served up in the castle for many years as a Military Policewoman, we kept in touch frequently over the years).
There were 2 groups one group for runners and one for the walkers, I (not being of sound mind) joined the runners, the course was pretty tough at times having to run over sand dunes and on sand, however I done my best (considering I've recently been diagnosed with arthritis in my joints and will need an operation soon) finishing in at a cool 26 minutes,and the 100th person to cross the finish line, out of over 2 and a half thousand runners, was not bad going, my personal best yet (knowing full well I'd suffer for it though....) it was worth every last ache and pain.
As my arthritis has progressed dramatically and I still wanted to take part in the race for life, my daughters have decided to join me again this year and walk the route hand in hand.
I can honestly say with my hand on my heart that we'll definately be taking part in every years race from now on, all being well.
"What a buzz"!
Last year I beat my target of £500 by a mile, to date I've raised over £900 so please help us raise the total even more this year by sponsoring us now.
I'm now working in the field of childcare, am currently writing my first book, continue to work alongside Cancer Research and am a member and publicist for Ayrshire LET's.
I have appeared on TV sharing my story with Vanessa Feltz called 'Real Lives' sharing my Cancer experiences and have appeared on channel five news. I organise FREE Fundraising Charity Halloween Events, Christmas parties & not forgetting the adults, charity parties too each year, which has gained me award's such as the 'Good Neighbour' award for outstanding contributions to my community, and a Children's Choice Award for making an outstanding difference to a child's life and most recently a Goodfella's Family of The Year Award 2008.
I have managed to gain plenty of media attention through radio and newspapers for my local Cancer Care organisation. My main aim now is to introduce a Cervical Cancer Awareness month!
Thank you for visiting our Race for Life fundraising page. Please dig deep and sponsor us online.
My daughters Jordan & Aaron have decided to join me again this year and take part in this fantastic fundraising event.
Events like Race for Life are an important way in which Cancer Research UK is able to fund its life-saving work into preventing, diagnosing and treating cancer. By sponsoring us now you could help more people survive cancer.
Donating through this site is simple, fast and totally secure. It is also the most efficient way to sponsor us - Cancer Research UK will receive your money faster and, if you are a UK taxpayer, an extra 28% in tax will be added to your gift at no cost to you.
So please sponsor us now!
Many thanks for your support - together we will beat cancer.
kindest regards,
Suzanne, Jordan & Aaron xxx
